To Miss Manners: Is It Rude to Be Vegan?

Last night I came across an interesting article on about.com. It deals with a woman who is annoyed by the fact that she was invited to a vegan couple's party, and she feels slighted because she'll have to eat beforehand because she won't like the food. Can you say stuck up? Miss Manners tells the woman to not go to the party, but mainly because she believes that if you can't behave properly at someone else' gathering, then you shouldn't go. Right on, Miss Manners! I wouldn't want that woman at my party anyway!

Of course in the comments section there are all sorts of vegetarians and vegans who have ruffled feathers over this, because it's really quite a shame that some people can't just suck it up for one evening and try something outside of their comfort level. Trying new foods is an adventure, and should be viewed as such and if you're only avoiding a party because of the food being served, then I'm sorry, but you're a jerk and incredibly narrow-minded.

What has me really confused is why someone wouldn't go to a party due to a lack of animal products being served. Whenever someone asks me, "You don't eat animal products? Well then, what do you eat?" I think that people who ask that question either have no idea that they eat vegan food every day, or they have a really crappy diet because all they are consuming are animal products. It's time to think outside the boxes we've been placed in and embrace food for what it is - food! After all, if you're invited to a vegan dinner party and you refuse to go because of the fare, you could be saying no to seitan roulade with chestnut stuffing or Pan-fried tofu with kale and stir-fried noodles.

The best tip for going to a party is to go to socialize with other people, not to chow down on their food. If you're only going for the food, then you're rude! On the other side of the spectrum, if you're a vegan and throwing a dinner party for people who aren't vegan, show off your cooking skills as much as possible and let the dinner speak for itself. No one really wants to sit through hours of bitter lectures about the effects factory farming has on our planet, our bodies and our animal friends.

The photo is of the seitan roulade, and came from my favorite vegan cooking blog, veganyumyum.

A Proposed Vegetarian and Vegan's Bill of Rights

It seems as though the most difficult part about adopting veganism or vegetarianism as your lifestyle is the reaction you get from other people. You'll get a wide range of questions, arguments and snarky comments tossed your way and the media portrayal is not always kind. Just this evening while watching a re-run of How I Met Your Mother, Stella's sister - who was stereotypically whiney and judgemental - bitched about being vegan and how she couldn't think. Ted pointed out, "That's because you need protien." Phil looked at me with an "oh...shit" look on his face because he knew this was something that was going to get my goat.

Yeah, I was angry, and this definitely goes back to my post about speciesism in the media but what can you do? This is going to happen again and again and people probably aren't going to think differently about those who do not wish to consume animal products and flesh any time soon. So, what do I propose? I propose that vegetarians and vegans are given an unwritten but vasty understood bill of rights. A code of conduct for being around a vegan, if you will.

Right #1 - We have the right to not listen to you go on and on about how delicious beef is. If you know we're vegetarian/vegan, and we are out to dinner with you and you choose to order the steak, we aren't going to stop you. We're friends, after all, and friends don't lecture or bore other friends, especially if they are already aware of why you're vegan in the first place. So it's only fitting that this go both ways - that's how friendship works. I have a particular friend that knows how I feel about animal flesh and yet he'll still go on and on about how this one particular restaurant's beef is so thick and delicious, and so so good. His words, not mine. It'd be really nice to not have him constantly waving a piece of bait in front of me all the time, it's almost like dangling a dog treat in front of my face. Now I know how much it pissed off my dog.

Right #2 - We have a right to vegetarian options on the menu. Really, every restaurant needs these, including barbecue joints. A massive meat party is not healthy no matter if you're an omnivore or a vegan. I am well aware that if you want to eat healthy you need to prepare your own food, but we should be able to find something other than a carrot to nibble on when we go out.

Right #3 - We have the right to not be used as an excuse. You and a sibling were asked to attend an obnoxious picnic gathering with some people you'd rather not see. Instead of coming up with the tried and true, "I'm sorry but we already made plans with friends out of town!" your sibling pulls the whole, "Well, my sister is a vegan and won't be able to eat anything there and I'd rather not be there without her, sorry." I really wish people wouldn't do this. It just makes every vegan and vegetarian look like a complete pain in the ass when it comes to making plans. As long as we're given a heads up about what's going to be served, or have already spoken to the host ahead of time we're usually fine. Don't use us as an excuse.

Right #4 - We have a right to not be judged for what we put into our bodies. Yes, you've met some cranky vegans, I'm sorry. It happens. I've met some pretty bitchy omnivores. Cranky people seem to be everywhere! But please don't take it out on the entire group. It's not appropriate to slanderize homosexuals and fat people on television, why is it okay to make fun of a vegan? It hurts those who stick true to their beliefs while trying to spread understanding and happiness to others. If we're not slapping that steak out of your mouth and being polite about your carnivorous appetite, then you should be polite to us too. Don't paint people with such a broad brush, a lesson for life.

Right #5 - We have a right to be included. This kind of ties into rights #2 and #3, but it's important. If you're making plans with a bunch of friends and you're all friends with someone who is vegan, please don't leave them out just because you're going to a steak house. Or better yet, go somewhere you know has some veggie options on the menu. If you truly like your friend and they aren't a whiney asshole, why not take them someplace where they'd be able to order some food?

Just remember that we're people too, even if we don't share your love for hamburgers made of beef. If you're friends with us, we must have other things in common and therefore it would just make sense to be kind to one another. When vegans are incessently picked on, left out or treated badly we end up like any abused and neglected creature - we get bitter, emotional and angry. These are just some basic rights that I think would make the world a more livable place, and might change your view of us.

People and Places That Make it Easy

We're not living in a vegan world. This is not a surprise to anyone, but at least it seems lately people are taking up more of an interest in the world they live in. Earth is our home, after all, and just because we may not see the effects from climate change in our lifetime doesn't mean that our child won't. Our choices today reflect on what happens tomorrow. Luckily there are a few places that bring a smile to my face with their choices.

Too often, vegans and vegetarians are noted to be bitchy, sour people that detest other people. Yes, we must all be bitter about humanity, it's a prerequisite. I don't like this label, or the way people see us so all I can do is set a good example by educating without being "preachy" or scaring them off. This doesn't mean that I have to be majorly inconvenienced all the time, either. I like it when a company actually tries to make it easier on us, the new hippies of the world, who want to treat our planet with the respect it deserves.

I recently walked into a Starbucks and asked for a coffee with soy milk. The woman was really nice about it and asked if I still wanted the whipped cream on it, or not. Obviously I declined the whipped cream, but it's nice of them to ask before just plopping it on top. It's also nice that they even offer soy milk in the first place. My goal is to start a petition in the very near future to get Tim Hortons to follow in Starbucks' footsteps, and maybe even adopt a free-trade policy as well. Little things like this can make a difference.

Montana's Cookhouse was a favorite chain restaurant of mine even when I was an omnivore, and now that I'm vegan they still give me an excuse to go. A lot of die-hard vegans would cringe at the thought of giving money to a meat-pimping company, but to those vegans I say: Shut the hell up.

Any change that enables vegetarians and vegans to be welcomed into the mainstream is a good thing and by boycotting them because they serve steak and ribs just reinforces the bad stigma we already have into the public eye. Don't eat the meat, but don't shun those who want to give us veggie burgers, either. In that respect, their veggie burgers are some of the best I've ever had. If you really want to eat out, and get a decent burger this is the place. You'll have an even easier time if you're a vegetarian at these places, since cheese is still used in their appetizers and burgers, but it's progress. Along with a fantastic burger, my waitress was also pretty cool.
When I requested the mashed potatoes, she asked me, "You want that dressing on the side, correct?" I was pleased that she at least asked instead of just dumping it on. That shows consideration, and I appreciate it.

Kelsey's used to have a really delicious zucchini appetizer, which, as long as you didn't eat the dip it was vegan. Well, they got rid of it, which really makes me sad. In fact there aren't many vegetarian appetizer options on their menu anymore (except for the bruschetta), which is a step backward for them. I checked to make sure they were still offering their tasty veggie burger, and they are, but for some reason a picture isn't even shown (while the other burgers get a little thumb nail).

With their brand new menu change, the veggie sandwich (which was vegan friendly) is mysteriously missing, though the tag line on the page boasts "our great selection of ALL NEW SANDWICHES has something for everyone." Everyone but me, I suppose? If you want the penne vodka pasta, which sounds vegetarian, tough luck. They throw bacon in it.

My local supermarket, which happens to be a President's Choice brand store has recently gotten more vegetarian friendly. The tofu and faux meats used to be pushed into the corner, lost behind the real meat and pasta. Then, one day, they mysteriously disappeared all together. I was really saddened by this change, because I had found that their limited offering to be helpful, at the very least. A week later a visit to the same supermarket proved that they didn't get rid of the vegetarian section, they expanded upon it! They moved the section to the middle of the store, right next to the produce in a very high-traffic area. I giggled at the sight of an eldery woman picking up a package of Yves brand Bratts. She looked at them with the, "what the hell is this?!" look.

Not only that, but I noticed that my supermarket now carries just about everything a Whole Foods store carries, without the obnoxiously high prices. They're also now charging 5 cents per plastic bag you use, which made me jump for joy! I always bring my own bags to the store, and request that they don't put my groceries in any plastic. Ikea also charges people for plastic bags, and urges their customers to bring their own. I overhead an Ikea employee bitching to another employee about how there are so many rude people that attack them during the day because they charge for bags. They're obviously missing the message.

Many people are missing the important message, but at least there are improvements out there, and there will be more to come.

Compassion For All - Reasons Behind the Lifestyle

One of the trends I'm noticing lately is people embracing veganism and vegetarianism because their favorite celebrity is doing it, or because they heard about the numerous health benefits.
Many of these people either quit a few days (or couple years) into their lifestyle, citing that it was "too difficult" or that they had issues with their weight. So what gives? Why are people flocking back to McDonalds for a Big Mac? It really all just boils down to lack of education.

You need to cut these people some slack, though. It's not their fault that there aren't many college courses offered on how to be a healthy vegan or vegetarian. Most of the time, if you want to be a healthy vegetarian or vegan you're going to need to do the work yourself, and start researching.

Why a vegan diet in the first place? Compassion for every living thing on the planet, of course. The road to the vegetarian and vegan lifestyle is often times a bumpy one, especially when the majority of people still consume animals and animal products on a daily basis. Finding a support group can be tricky, but not impossible. If you're the only vegan in your family, it's even harder. Add the pressure of venturing into a supermarket, along with jeering friends and family and you have yourself a real pain in the ass to deal with. Most people don't "get it." There are some people who will honestly ask you about your lifestyle choice because they are legitimately curious, but other times they may not be so kind.

A couple weeks ago my husband and I were at the supermarket and I was feeling particularly down that day, and so I was susceptible to the nagging evidence that I should be consuming chicken nuggets instead of my soy nuggets (which, in my opinion, taste exactly the same to me).
I was eyeing up the beef pot pies while my husband was retrieving some orange juice, and when he found me he raised an eyebrow and suspiciously followed my line of sight to the pot pies.
A moment later, he was pulling me away by my arm and telling me not to think about it, that what I was doing was great and that I can't fail now. I really appreciated that, because had he not been there to show support, I might've wound up falling off the wagon.

Having a support system is extremely important, and I can't stress that enough. It's even better if your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend "gets you" and won't let you succumb to the animal eatin' ways. There are ads out there for milk and triple-beef patties topped with six strips of bacon, and at first glance this greasy shit looks honestly appealing. Is it within human instincts to eat other animals?

Other animals eat other animals, that's no joke. Everyone has seen those nature shows where hungry lionesses stalk gazelles. People will often use this as an argument against you on your plight to not eat animals or their products. While this is a true statement - animals eat other animals - it is not the same thing as a human eating another animal. I do not know of a single species on this planet other than my own that exploits other living things to the extent that they do. Battery cages for egg-laying hens were not built for the comfort of the hen, but rather to increase productivity and profits from the eggs they produce.

A lion stalks a gazelle because it is hungry, and when it catches its prey, she and her pride mates feast upon the carcass until their stomachs are full. But what about the canine teeth? Oh, the canine teeth! We must have these for a reason, many people say. Well, yes, we do. And many people will say they exist solely for the job of eating animal flesh. I would not be able to bite into an apple or a pear without my canine teeth. Some fruits and vegetables are very tough, and so our pointy teeth are helpful when it comes to eating them. They also come in handy as weapons, as displayed by teenage girls in high school when they get into "cat fights." They also go for the hair, but many times they bite their enemies. They're pretty useful!

Besides factory farming, animals are exploited for entertainment, scientific research and fashion. They are also exploited for companionship, which is one of the reasons why we have so many cats and dogs being put down in shelters on a daily basis. Puppy mills churn out dogs like they're products on an assembly line, and instead of going to their local humane shelter, many times a family will opt for a breeder dog. All of these examples are valid and relevant reasons for people choosing a vegan lifestyle.

Speciesism in Movies and Society

Growing up as a small child, I was exposed to quite a few Disney films. They all had an impact on my purchases, whether it be a Little Mermaid mug or a Pocahontas Sega Genesis video game. Many of Walt Disney's films featured lovable and endearing animals, and all of the human protagonists had at least one or two animal companions they acknowledged as their "best friends." When a child sees a Disney character they are instantly drawn to them, their faces light up and it seems to have a catnip affect on them.

Dumbo the Flying Elephant featured a donkey-eared elephant of the same name in 1941. The little elephant Jumbo Jr. is ridiculed and harassed for having such abnormally large ears, and cruelly nicknamed as "Dumbo." We are first shown in the beginning of the film that if you are different, you are not welcome in society. When a group of boys proceeds to torment and pull on Dumbo's ears, his mother understandably attacks the boys. What happens to Dumbo's mother? She's locked away in a tiny wagon, her feet chained to the floor and the only light she can see is through the prison-like bars. Signs that read, "MAD ELEPHANT" and "DANGER" adorn the rickety wagon, and all because a mother wanted to protect her son from the ridicule and scorn of cruelty.

What happens to the boys? Oh, they probably went home and cried about their horrible day at the circus, but nothing else came from it, I can assure you. Because Dumbo had large, flappy ears he was an object for others to play with. Because Dumb was also an elephant and not a human being, he became an object for others to play with. And when Dumbo's mother attempted to intervene and say enough is enough with this crap, she gets locked away. The meloncholy song "Baby Of Mine" prompted me to explode into a fit of tears, not because of the song but because even at a young age I just couldn't imagine life without my mother. What if someone harassed me for being different, and my mother tried to save me? What if she got thrown away like a piece of rotten garbage for my sake? It was honestly too much to bear, and this is one Disney film I can honestly say that I do not love.

And now, in 2009 things do not seem to have changed much. On the internet, where everyone seems to be a keyboard-warrior of some type will openly attack anyone that isn't like them. A woman on Yelp.com attempted to garner information from others about going vegan, and instead of receiving help she received judgemental, hostile replies. One man even went as far as to say:

"My experience reading the posts of vegans and vegetarians here on yelp is that veganism and vegitarianism makes you whiny and bitchy. Really, I've never seen a vegan/ vegetarian actually review a restaurant so much as i see them complain that restaurants don't serve anything that the vegan/vegetarian can eat.

Personally, I'm much more likely to use the words vegetarian and freak consecutively than I am to use the words vegetarian and burger consecutively.

Vegans and Vegetarians just seem like big attention whores constantly screaming, "LOOK AT ME!! I'M A VEGAN/VEGETARIAN FREAK!! LOOK AT ME!!" Life is too short for the normal people in the world to have to listen to that crap as much as vegans/vegetarioans like to talk about it.

I mean really ...who cares. If you (meaning the general public of vegans and vegetarians as opposed to you specifically) want to be vegan, just do it.. But, please !! Quit boring the hell out of the rest of us by talking about Veganism and vegetarianism 24/7. We really don't care."

Another woman entered the discussion to call him out on his outlandish statement by saying:

"Jeez, W.P....what the hell crawled up your butt today?

If every Yelper worried whether ALL other Yelpers actually CARED about their posted topic, no one would EVER post ANYTHING.

If you don't care, don't read the thread!. If you wear a size 9 shoe, do you really give a shit what the store has to offer in a size 11? Do you even look in that section? No, you ignore it.

Yelp is NOT one-size-fits-all. Chill out."

Instead of coming back and apologizing for his blatant douche-baggery, he replies:

"Xtie, your response only further cements my opinions of vegans in general though i must say that this maya is a breath of fresh air. But, remember she is still eating meat."

So since the douchebag decided to make a hostile remark about vegans in general it was only natural for someone to defend themselves. When they do defend themselves, they are scorned and punished. It is perfectly fine for an omnivore to press their views upon vegans, but it is not acceptable for a vegan to press their views upon omnivores. Because vegans are considered different, they are criticized and condemned. This mindset does not apply only vegans, of course, but extends to all minority groups.

In the end, Dumbo and his mother are only accepted and celebrated by society when they find a way to exploit the little elephant with a wonderous and spectacular new show.

How It All Vegan, part 2

Pigs were as edible as a bucket full of nails to me. Many people will say outwardly that vegetarians, vegans and environmentalists only care about the "cute" animals, but this is simply not true. Just yesterday I spotted a spider hanging in my shower, and my first instinct was to scoop him up and set him free outside. I didn't hesitate to think about it, I just did it. The thought of taking the shower head and washing him down the drain didn't even occur to me, and I'm glad it didn't.

Humans are animals, but for some reason we are under the belief that we are more relevant than a prairie dog or even our closest cousins - the orangutan. I continued to educate myself through the internet about the different ways our fellow earthlings suffer: Whaling, factory farming, circuses, scientific research. There are literally thousands upon thousands of ways that we exploit animals for our own personal gain, or for what I believe is for our "taste buds." It brings humans pleasure to put a bit of steak dipped in barbecue sauce into their mouths, but I can't help but question whether our taste buds are really worth the suffering of the cow that wound up on my plate.

It is a positive change, taking charge of what you are or are not putting into you mouth for the sake of something you believe in. I was doing well with being a vegetarian until I saw the movie Earthlings, which has changed the way I think about the human race, other animals, the wonderful planet that we live on. I've tried many times to share the movie with others, but all of the responses were the same.

"Oh I don't want to watch that."
"I'd rather not know how the steak became my dinner, thanks."
"I just don't want to know."

At first I was angry with these responses, and I'm still disappointed by them. For me it raised a lot of different questions. Are humans meant to consume to their hearts content but not to listen? Or maybe these responses were because there was a feeling of uncertainty. We know we are doing harm, but it's too frightening to witness the truth and it's more comfortable to be complicit.
The entire thing made me remember an old quote from a great book I read in high school, called Animal Farm by George Orwell.


"Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself." - George Orwell, Animal Farm, Ch. 1

How It All Vegan, part 1

It started innocently enough, picking up a copy of Dr. Weil's magazine, an issue that was specifically geared towards women. I browsed through it lightly, and found a subject that interested me: difficult menstruation. My period has never been regular, save for the time I was on oral contraception. I didn't like oral contraception. If there was ever a day that I forgot to take my pill, the next day would be murder on my ovaries.

I'd spot bleed, and my uterus would ache. I thought the problem was taking the wrong kind of oral contraception, and with a few other reasons to nudge me back to the doctor's office I was put on a different pill. This one didn't work either. In fact, it was worse than my first pill! I suffered needlessly for months, because I was enjoying the fact that I menstruated as if on cue every single month at the same time. It was like clock work; predictable and never snuck up on me. I was armed and ready for it, but my uterus would have a very hard time forgiving me when I forgot to take it.

Dr. Weil's article suggested to go vegetarian for the week leading up to and during menstruation because it supposedly helps with the unpleasantness of PMS. The article didn't really go too far into how it helps, but I was willing to give it a shot. My first week of going veg lasted for two days when I realized I was starving myself to death and had absolutely no self control over my compulsive junk food binging. Deplorable.

I ended up eating bagels with cream cheese, with a slice of tomato on them for lunch. Ramen noodles sometimes made an appearance, along with plenty of spaghetti with plain sauce. It was pretty awful. I really had no clue what I was doing, and it showed. Vegans and vegetarians alike who were seasoned enough would have laughed at my embarrassing attempt at what is becoming more than just a diet, but a lifestyle.

This lifestyle intrigued me briefly in February, but nothing really hooked me into giving a go for longer than two days. This was the case until Super Bowl rolled around, and I was insistent on buying wings for the big game. We had our wings, along with spring rolls filled with pork, chicken and who knows what else. My husband and I were watching primarily for the commercials, much like everyone else that doesn't give two craps about football.

While the game was on I did a little bit of searching around on various news sites, checking out their top Super Bowl game commercials from the 90's, and in my search I stumbled upon something interesting. It was a PETA ad that wound up banned (big shocker) from being aired during the Super Bowl for its supposed lewd content. I was intrigued by the ad, and visited their site - goveg.com (which I have linked on this blog, on the side).

At first I rolled my eyes at some of their "facts" and their campaign for "sea kittens," but it at least planted the seed of doubt into my brain. The first thing that triggered was that I was staring at a cute, adorable picture of a little pig with the headline "10 reasons why you shouldn't eat pigs." Note that it doesn't say pork, it says pigs.

I had already eaten part of a pig that evening, without even thinking about it. The thought never crossed my mind about what it was, expect that it was chewy and tasted alright. I was never a fan of pork, quite possibly due to the fact that my father had made one to many ham steaks while I was living at home and I was completely sick of the texture and saltiness of the flesh, but I digress. Here I was, staring at a picture of a pig and thinking, "aw...so cute."
If you had asked me to go out back, take an axe and chop a pig up for supper I would most certainly decline, and vehemetly .

I had fond memories of when I was little, visiting horse shows and seeing stalls filled up with pigs, many of which were wearing clothing. They brought me great joy, seeing them up close and not because they were wearing funny hats but because they were pigs. I can't explain it, natural instinct designed me to look at a pig and feel happy. They bring a smile to my face, a reaction that is not forced but purely instinctive, and here I was chowing down on one and feeling like the biggest hypocrit.

The pigs at the show were cuter dressed up as little doctors and farmers (though I'd prefer them to not be dressed up at all), than being breaded and deep fried into golden nuggets. Growing up I had always wanted my own pig for company, not minding their bristle-covered bodies or the fact that sometimes their noses look snotty.

People in general grew up with the notion that pigs are dirty, even though the journalist in me (even at a young age) knew that the truth lies deeper. In short, you shouldn't listen to everything the television or media tells you. Pigs are naturally very clean animals, but no one would know this due to the way they're portrayed in books and on television. They get such a bum rap, even though I know that they've been known to save their family members.

To be continued...